Friday, February 1, 2013

I need a do-over, I have no good excuses for my mis-deeds and now I sit (I should be happy I can sit at the moment) and wait out my faith. I have let Vic down.

I don't know what got into me this week, I mean it was a stressful one at work, but that doesn't excuse me from making poor choices and breaking my vows. I knew it was going to be the one that pushed Vic over the edge but I did it anyway- What you asked? Yep you guessed it, I did this




And then came the guilt, but did that stop me- no just like speeding down the highway, we all know there is a speed limit and we shouldn't speed but there I was just a speeding away. Guilt Speed, More Guilt More Speeding I was like a race car driver in 10th gear (gez look at me)



 
As guilt never sits well with me, neither does keeping things from Vic, I can't do it. So out comes the confession and chicken that I am it was over the phone (hey these HoH need a cooling off moment) and a voice mail to boot. I blurted out all the things that went wrong with my day and then said my confession, knowing it would cause me great agony later when we discussed our week and how it went. I am ashamed of myself and feel like I let him down after all I ask him to help me quit, why can't I do it. He informed me I better of enjoyed them cause they will be my last and it will be the most costly pack I ever purchased (gulp) and I don't think he means the money aspect.
 
Please please can I have a do over-
Vic, I am sorry I have let you down, I need my punishment, your forgiveness so I can
 
 
 





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12 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 1, 2013 at 7:39 PM

    uh oh.... Smoking?
    Hope it goes ok when you two uh... reconnect?
    Have you ever tried Esmokes? We are currently smoking "Blu" as well as something called "Greensmoke" in attempts to not ever light up again... When I get stressed, I still crave it but the Ecigg helps a lot and the Blu brand has flavors and you can work your way down in the levels!
    Hang in there, quitting is a battle!

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:13 PM

      Thanks Emi, I did try Esmokes it just wasn't working, currently on meds to help it works but I had a weak moment. Thanks I am a quitter again.

      Delete
  2. CatrinkaFebruary 1, 2013 at 9:19 PM

    Oh doll! So sorry! Since the addiction is so much more than chemical it really can be such a challenge to quit!
    Confession can be so difficult but the guilt I know can be unbearable.
    Good luck getting through to that clean slate!
    Hugs! Catrinka

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:14 PM

      I made it through to my clean slate and landed back in trouble again in no time- lol I will learn one day.

      Delete
  3. willieFebruary 2, 2013 at 4:58 AM

    Hey Cathie. I am sorry you are feeling so down. Hopefully by now Vic has taken care of this guilt you are carrying around

    I have never been a smoker, but I certainly know lots who have. A couple I know swear by this book. You actually get to smoke while reading it until the author tells you this is your last cigarette I believe. I asked my friend why this book worked for him ( and his wife). He said because it debunks all the excuses you have in your head about smoking. ie that it relieves stress- *apparently* it increases stress because once you are done your 'stress' reliever your thoughts are preoccupied with finding another time to have another cigarette..( or something like that).

    Anyway, these friends of ours have been smoke free for well over 3 years now. Not only have they not 'snuck' at 'smoke' they both said they have no desire what-so-ever. Even if they have had a drink and are surrounded by smokers!

    I'm not saying that this book will help- but it can't hurt I suppose.

    http://www.amazon.ca/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0973468408

    Much Love
    Willie

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:15 PM

      Thanks Willie will so be looking up that book. Thanks to Vic I am quitter again :)

      Delete
  4. SusieFebruary 2, 2013 at 6:52 AM

    Hang in there Cathie! This is a huge life change and he's there to help you, not make you feel awful about yourself. I hope it is all over, that you have that clean slate and you are in your cozy place with Vic.

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:16 PM

      Thanks Susie, we are there, a few bumps to get here but that is part of our world now.

      Delete
  5. HezFebruary 2, 2013 at 8:38 PM

    Hey Cathie,

    Hang in there. Each day is a new day..and I am telling you this as a smoker myself that has tried and tried to give up. It is hard, it does take time and understanding.

    I am sooooooo dreading it when my Hoh finally decides that enough is enough..I can foresee a lot of spankings happening then in this house.

    I hope that it is now dealt with and that you are no longer carrying the guilt, as that will just make it twice as hard on you to move forward.

    Many many many hugs

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:18 PM

      Thanks Hez the mind cravings are horrible. I am taking meds to help with the nicotine part and it works it is the mind that is going to be the death of me. When you quit, let me know I will cheer you on :)

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  6. RozFebruary 3, 2013 at 2:44 AM

    Awe Cathie, as a smoker I completely agree with Hez. Take each day as it comes. It is a huge life change for you and as Susie said, Vic is there to help you, not to make you feel bad.

    I hope that it is now over and you are no longer carrying around the guilt.

    (((hugs)))

    Roz

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    1. UnknownFebruary 3, 2013 at 5:20 PM

      Yes Roz, my whole life is a huge change for me right now. Vic is there nudging me forward each day. The guilt is gone and I am once again a quitter :)

      Delete

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