I sometimes wish I could take a trip to outer space and see if the residents/couples of the planet I land on practice this ttwd and if the "s" on the planet has out of mind/body experience like the "s" in this house seems to have frequently.
Saturday started with me OTK as expected, do to my mid week mis-deed. I was punished and given the clean slate I expected. I have to say my punishment left me feeling unsatisfied. I must say compared to what some of you receive mine pales in comparison. Needless to say I didn't say anything to Vic about it, maybe I should of but hey is it my job to critique his skills.....I think not.
Saturday Afternoon Delight time comes and boy way I ready for some of that, remember my midweek mis deed well part of that punishment was "no relief" but lots of service and attention but no Aha moment for missy. Thinking that I was on my clean slate plate (Ha) I was going to be on the receiving end of an Aha moment- which really was an Anot moment for missy again. Feeling a tad bit slighted and thinking oh how could he do this, not a word. Nope nodda nothing... I went from slighted, weepy, crying, pouting, and then the almighty Angry. In case any of you are wondering Angry is not our friend!
I am sure I went over most of these faces.Which lead to I am not talking to you, nope not you, I am mad. I sometimes have issues reaching my Aha moment, Vic is aware of this and I was sure he was just being
I have breakfast in progress when Vic wakes up it definitely was one of the most quiet meals we have ever had. Afterwards we venture into the living room and Vic motions for me to sit between his legs resting against him, I think he does this so I am comforted by him, being snuggled in his body, but not having to face him. "Tell me what's on your mind"- Crying Cathie returns shaking her head no - when out of Vic comes---------------wait for it-------------------------are you ready for this-------------
"It is very difficult for me when you say / tell me that your body is mine to control, do as you please, and then when things don't go the way you think they should you get mad"
what did he just say
um um I am speechless
i so didn't see it from that point of view
I can't believe how wrong I have been, my thought pattern has been so un-submissive, my behavior has been wrong, my attitude wrong, my body language wrong, and now he has stepped in and called me out and I can only said OMG what an As# I have been. I could only lay there in his arms saying how sorry I am and how right he is.
I am happy to say after a very long conversation I have been put in my proper place and Vic will be stricter, sterner, firmer, and guiding me in the right direction and loving me along the way.
He will lead me there
Good morning Cathie
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! Vic identified something he thought was an issue. You listened. You understood. You took it in stride without being defensive. You should be very proud.
None of this process is easy. Some of the things we discover or realize about ourselves we don't like. Sometimes it leads to pain and regret. You are only allowed to have the feeling of regret for a short time though- this is an order ! ( I know right? Forget the source). You would give Vic the pleasure of forgiveness in this area, do the same for yourself.
Much Love and heaps of understanding!
Willie
Thanks Willie,
DeleteIt was so very eye opening to hear him say that. I am rarely speechless but I sure was at that moment.
Thanks for the order (oh my does B know you are out running arounding giving orders?)
Well! I was feeling what you were feeling and you stopped me in my tracks. It is quite something to hear it from their perspective isn't it? Blast this good communication. :)
ReplyDeleteHe will be a bit stricter and yet don't be all surprised if he gets more sensitive too. That happened here and it puts me in a quandary at times, figuring it all out. Strong and gentle is pretty wonderful.
I know who ever said communication is key well umm I guess they were right. Strange how that thing works. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteSo...perhaps not the Aha moment you were looking for initially, but it turned out to be an Aha! moment for you nonetheless:)
ReplyDeleteThose moments....like the one you all had....can only encourage growth. So perhaps...you had your "aha" after all???
ReplyDeleteRyan has said to me before....something very similar....that just b/c I am angry or upset does not mean that I get to act however I want. I mean...that should have been obvious....but yes, to hear it ...and to be confronted with your behavior can be quite overwhelming.
I think it sounds like you both did a pretty great job :)
Hi Lucy, it was more like an AHA moment, I always worried that Vic was only half in this, I don't anymore.
DeleteAmazing reconnect, but even more so, I love how he told you and that you had the "a ha!" moment. The communication you shared was spot on! :) Controlling behavior is one of the hardest things to overcome!
ReplyDeleteOh Emi it was great, and boy I did need my behavior controled. I hope he never has to call me out like that again.
DeleteWow sometimes they do know what they are talking about......imagine that?
ReplyDeleteI am also having a 'wake-up call' so to so to speak. This submissive stuff is WAAYYY harder than I ever imagined.
Sounds like y'all are on the right track! :)
Betsy let me say and if you have been reading my blog I get derailed alot. It is hard but when you have that moment when all is right and content in your world this is nothing better. I love that feeling.
DeleteOh Cathie
ReplyDeleteI was reading that and then all of a sudden when it got to Vic saying his piece it was like a 'Wow' moment! Well done you for your reconnect and understanding of Vic's statement.
Hez it really was a "wow" moment. I know sometimes it is hard to see there point of view but his statement was dead on. Reconnecting is wonderful too.
DeleteHi Cathie,
ReplyDeleteWow! maybe not the initial reconnect and Aha moment you were hoping for, but congratulations on getting there in the end :) Well done Vic! Well done you for listening and understanding his point of view.
I love that you have communication day. As for the spanking, sometimes it doesn't get us there, and that's ok. It's not something you should 'hide' from Vic though. Telling him in the right way is not critical, you are telling him what you feel you need.
Hugs,
Roz
Roz, he does struggle with the spanking part and I can now understand why, my words and actions were 2 different behaviors. Communication day has sure come along way since we first started, it seemed silly at first but I love it now.
DeleteUgh! I hate when the grow. It always means extreme discomfort for us. I am in a similar spot right now. You know the phrase "careful what you ask for..." There really should be something that makes us understand that phrase before it's too late
ReplyDeleteHugs
P
I remember this step. It took me a while to figure it out, but I am very happy to see something you did wrong. That is a big step! ISn't this journey just unbelievable?
ReplyDeleteJulia this journey is wonderful, the relationship we now have is a 100 times better. I hope it continues to grow.
ReplyDelete