Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Did you know?

I am leaning the wrong way

I think this post is more for me (I need an outlet) then those reading it and maybe Vic will read it to and understand why I am on the fence post

Did you know the sound of your voice makes me feel all warm inside?

The sight of you brings a relief to my heart?

Or being enclosed in your arms tells me all is well in our world?
 What about when you hand is spread across my tush- that I feel that I am yours.

Did you know that when your hand is placed on the small of my back or wrapped around the back of my neck that desires runs through me knowing you will lead me where you want me?

When you lecture me, I know you care enough to show it?

Or when you place me over your lap or bend me over and bring redness to my tush you set off an emotional release for me and I feel loved and cherished?

That when you agreed to this my insides felt relief that I no longer had to take care of everything and worry if I was doing it all right?

Did you know I want to be your first priority, my safety, my well being, my health, and that I desperately need you to be?

Sometimes what I do and what I am suppose to do are worlds apart and that is when I need you to take over and lead me where I need to be.?

Did you know that when you don't hold me accountable for the goals we set for me, I hear that I am not important enough for you to focus on me?

Or that things that bother or annoy you are more important than my vows I made to you?

That to the outside world I am strong, determined, focused, a mother lion protecting her cubs, but inside I am insecure, scared, that I want nothing more then to be your good girl and I need you to chase away the monsters that live under the bed?

Did you know my biggest fear is losing you?

That my favorite place in eternity is safely wrapped in your loving arms?

Did you know my love for you is my driving force? That I crave your love, attention, kisses, hugs, smacks, lectures, leadership, discipline and approval like nothing else?
Did you know?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Can I to May I

Since starting TTWD and Dd I have learned so many things, about myself, about my husband and about us. Often times we take advantage of what we have right there in front of us and forgot to be grateful for what we have. I have asked my husband to change the dynamic of our relationship, ask him to change a life time of learning- without question he has. Has it always been easy for him-NO, have I always been easy to lead-NO, have we learned and grown closer together
For days I have pondered on ways, behaviors, actions, or anything I could do to encourage our relationship, to show more respect, and although it might sound simple it is truly harder than I imagined. I plan to change
Can I
May I
I have tried it a few times over the past few days, it sounds so simple but I find myself having to stop and think before I ask. CAN I is so ingrained in my brain and when you stop and think about it so rude, I can still hear someone from my childhood saying "I don't know can you" and then after I would say May I they would then answer me accordingly so when did that stop when did can takeover for May.
I know this is a small gesture and it may or may not work. For now I will try my little submissive task and see how it works.
Thanks for stopping by.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Sleeper in the house

A few of my post had spoken about the lack of effective spankings in the Cookie household and how compared to some of you mine were (note were) rather light and nothing to boast about. They took place for one or another of my misdeeds and we went about our lives.

Add another feather to my cap and pour me a drink
Then there was my Naughty or Nice post, something about now what should I be, should I tell him or should I not referring to stepping it up a notch in the spanking category and enticing him with the view of few implements~ Now ladies why did you not stop me from myself? What part of me thought it would be ok to show him these things. Well all of this lead to some frequent smacks here and there until oh yes I went and said something I shouldn't of.
"Are you sure"
How did that come out of my mouth- who said that- oh man I am so not getting a pass on that- 3 little words that Vic hates to hear from me. He has told me a few times, even showed me a text I sent him asking him that and given me my fair share of warnings. Which brings us to would you like your punishment before or after dinner? O O O ooo and then he introduced me to his little friend
YES you are seeing correctly!!! Eeeegads has my man lost his mind, that is a metal serving spoon. Seriously who has a metal serving spoon in this day and age, well you guessed it my dumb intelligent butt does. It seems that all my other misdeeds were from goals I had set for myself, issues I had ask for his help with. When I didn't meet those goals he felt since I asked for his help he would hold me accountable to them, but went lightly. Now I had done something he has asked me repeatedly not to say, so he felt just in my spanking, how was I suppose to know I was living with a "sleeper spanko"

I truly think he was a sleeper spanko- all this time I was worried that he wasn't in to spanking me and maybe this was to weird for him Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee he was just waiting for the right moment to awake. I am thanking the heavens above, the spanking gods, and my HoH that I didn't get to many swats from his little friend, that damn evil gadget beautiful spoon hurts. Oh I will for sure remember next time to engage brain before mouth acts at least I plan to. I have been saying that for so many years it is like DNA to me and as I am being whacked and lecture for saying it he throws in and I don't want to hear "I forgot" any more from you either. Oh dear spanking gods help me lose that spoon of his, please........................................................

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Naughty or Nice

Well tomorrow is Valentines Day and it will be our first one since starting DD so it has me wondering what kind of day I would like: As we all know this is not my decision to make of which I am told reminded of often lately. I have thoughts about being a good little angel and trying to obtain a GG spanking, it just seems like I can't be that GOOD- I wear my halo so proudly is it my fault that the damn thing has a short in it? I look something like this
Ha who am I kidding

Ok so really it is malfunctioning and I look like this

Charge it, why yes please.

Vic and I seem to be in a very good place right now, are we perfect well of course not- maybe one day when and if the planets align and men come from Venus and women from Mars- I know I know I have that backwards but hey if I can be perfect than that can happen too.
Ok back to my original thought Naughty or Nice, I think my tush would like some action (not that action) this action-

Vic has been very soft on me where spanking is concerned

I know this is normal- I am not criticizing and he has stepped up it is a learning experience for both of us, I even received a "tune up" last week, he even woke me up to deliver it. I know impressive isn't he. So my naughty mind is wondering (a very scary thing) about all these implements out there that some of you have and they excite me and make me nervous. For example many of you talk about the dreaded and then there is the
and what about these thingshmmm is that like naughty or nice?

So maybe I need to show this to Vic and let him know that we may need to take it up a notch and that I am ready

If you are.


Monday, February 4, 2013

Houston we have a problem

I sometimes wish I could take a trip to outer space and see if the residents/couples of the planet I land on practice this ttwd and if the "s" on the planet has out of mind/body experience like the "s" in this house seems to have frequently.

Saturday started with me OTK as expected, do to my mid week mis-deed. I was punished and given the clean slate I expected. I have to say my punishment left me feeling unsatisfied. I must say compared to what some of you receive mine pales in comparison. Needless to say I didn't say anything to Vic about it, maybe I should of but hey is it my job to critique his skills.....I think not.

Saturday Afternoon Delight time comes and boy way I ready for some of that, remember my midweek mis deed well part of that punishment was "no relief" but lots of service and attention but no Aha moment for missy. Thinking that I was on my clean slate plate (Ha) I was going to be on the receiving end of an Aha moment- which really was an Anot moment for missy again. Feeling a tad bit slighted and thinking oh how could he do this, not a word. Nope nodda nothing... I went from slighted, weepy, crying, pouting, and then the almighty Angry. In case any of you are wondering Angry is not our friend!

I am sure I went over most of these faces.

Which lead to I am not talking to you, nope not you, I am mad. I sometimes have issues reaching my Aha moment, Vic is aware of this and I was sure he was just being "mean" "insensitive" to my needs. Well Vic wasn't home that evening and I went to bed salty to say the least and woke up that way to.  Sunday is communication day at the Cookie household, can't say I was looking forward to this one. It also means no electronics are allowed until after the communications is over. So no toys no no no- this ensures we don't get distracted and miss our talk.

I have breakfast in progress when Vic wakes up it definitely was one of the most quiet meals we have ever had. Afterwards we venture into the living room and Vic motions for me to sit between his legs resting against him, I think he does this so I am comforted by him, being snuggled in his body, but not having to face him. "Tell me what's on your mind"- Crying Cathie returns shaking her head no - when out of Vic comes---------------wait for it-------------------------are you ready for this-------------

"It is very difficult for me when you say / tell me that your body is mine to control, do as you please, and then when things don't go the way you think they should you get mad"

what did he just say
um um I am speechless
i so didn't see it from that point of view

I can't believe how wrong I have been, my thought pattern has been so un-submissive, my behavior has been wrong, my attitude wrong, my body language wrong, and now he has stepped in and called me out and I can only said OMG what an As# I have been. I could only lay there in his arms saying how sorry I am and how right he is.
I am happy to say after a very long conversation I have been put in my proper place and Vic will be stricter, sterner, firmer, and guiding me in the right direction and loving me along the way.
He will lead me there

Friday, February 1, 2013

I need a do-over, I have no good excuses for my mis-deeds and now I sit (I should be happy I can sit at the moment) and wait out my faith. I have let Vic down.

I don't know what got into me this week, I mean it was a stressful one at work, but that doesn't excuse me from making poor choices and breaking my vows. I knew it was going to be the one that pushed Vic over the edge but I did it anyway- What you asked? Yep you guessed it, I did this

And then came the guilt, but did that stop me- no just like speeding down the highway, we all know there is a speed limit and we shouldn't speed but there I was just a speeding away. Guilt Speed, More Guilt More Speeding I was like a race car driver in 10th gear (gez look at me)

As guilt never sits well with me, neither does keeping things from Vic, I can't do it. So out comes the confession and chicken that I am it was over the phone (hey these HoH need a cooling off moment) and a voice mail to boot. I blurted out all the things that went wrong with my day and then said my confession, knowing it would cause me great agony later when we discussed our week and how it went. I am ashamed of myself and feel like I let him down after all I ask him to help me quit, why can't I do it. He informed me I better of enjoyed them cause they will be my last and it will be the most costly pack I ever purchased (gulp) and I don't think he means the money aspect.
Please please can I have a do over-
Vic, I am sorry I have let you down, I need my punishment, your forgiveness so I can