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| I am leaning the wrong way |
I think this post is more for me (I need an outlet) then those reading it and maybe Vic will read it to and understand why I am on the fence post
Did you know the sound of your voice makes me feel all warm inside?
The sight of you brings a relief to my heart?
Or being enclosed in your arms tells me all is well in our world?
Did you know that when your hand is placed on the small of my back or wrapped around the back of my neck that desires runs through me knowing you will lead me where you want me?
When you lecture me, I know you care enough to show it?
Or when you place me over your lap or bend me over and bring redness to my tush you set off an emotional release for me and I feel loved and cherished?
That when you agreed to this my insides felt relief that I no longer had to take care of everything and worry if I was doing it all right?
Did you know I want to be your first priority, my safety, my well being, my health, and that I desperately need you to be?
Sometimes what I do and what I am suppose to do are worlds apart and that is when I need you to take over and lead me where I need to be.?
Did you know that when you don't hold me accountable for the goals we set for me, I hear that I am not important enough for you to focus on me?
Or that things that bother or annoy you are more important than my vows I made to you?
That to the outside world I am strong, determined, focused, a mother lion protecting her cubs, but inside I am insecure, scared, that I want nothing more then to be your good girl and I need you to chase away the monsters that live under the bed?
Did you know my biggest fear is losing you?
That my favorite place in eternity is safely wrapped in your loving arms?
Did you know my love for you is my driving force? That I crave your love, attention, kisses, hugs, smacks, lectures, leadership, discipline and approval like nothing else?
Did you know?
What a beautiful post Cathie. You should show it to Vic. Don't wait for him to find it.
ReplyDeletewillie
Thanks Willie he did read it after I went to bed I will post on it. All is well
DeleteOh Cathie....Wilma knew I was on the phone with Brice making my case for him to let me blog, and she sent me a message to send this post of yours to him. Without reading it first I started reading it to him on the phone. I could not make it through without crying. Besides the fact I was cursing Wilma (lol), Brice could tell how much what I was reading affected me. He loved it and so did I.....wow......Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi Betsy I didn't mean to make your cry sometimes emotions run very high in this lifestyle of ours. I am pleased you both loved it and it helps you like it seemd to of helped me. More to come on that. Cursing Willie you say now why would you ever do that. Lol
DeleteBeautiful post Cathie, and well stated. I definitely hope he reads this!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Thanks Roz it was written from deep within me and my little voice was screaming it. He read :)
ReplyDeleteThis was lovely Cathie! I think dozens of us could copy and paste it exactly as you wrote it...it's that true.
ReplyDeleteHi Cathie,
ReplyDeleteIan and I read this post and had a lengthy discussion/history lesson on the beginning of our dd relationship. We remembered (differently, mind you) experiencing something similar.
Ian says:
It was a time of uncertainty in our dd relationship. For Lillian, it was a time when she felt really let down. I believe she felt that I not only wasn't being fair, but I was being selfish and only thinking of my own interests.
In my defence at the time, I believe I was concerned about overwhelming her with rules and was uncomfortable with some of what she appeared to be needing from me and from this new relationship.
I never got a handle on this until quite some time later. It seemed that we were trying to get to the same place, but going different speeds on different roads. There was a lot of frustration and when that happened I had a tendency to stop and want to make things very simple and the same time Lillian needed things to move faster, and be more intricate.
To this date, I don't believe that we are on the same road at the same speed. Excuse the terrible metaphor .... I do however think that some time in the last few months, our paths have converged to the point that we are in sight of each other.
I see relationships like Bas & Lisa, that seem as though they flow effortlessly. That is not us, but we are getting closer (sometimes it still seems like we are miles apart).
If I had advice, and I would caution you about accepting my advice - its value can be questionable at times, I would suggest that communication is the key. It is very difficult at times, and neither one of you might like what the other has to say - it is so important that you each be heard.
What you have done here in this post is absolutely fantastic for yourself and Vic. You are developing new ways to communicate and an understanding of each other in ways that you have not likely heretofore experienced in your relationship.
Even though it is frustrating, you are building an intuitive connection with each other that quite honestly will become an entirely new level of intimacy with your partner. Sometimes it seems like you are learning a new language.
Ask Vic to read your post, if and when you are comfortable with that.
Lillie:
Hope that gives you some insight from the HoH point of view. I remember thinking that Ian was being incredibly selfish in some ways during our early growing pains.
I hope you and Vic have an opportunity to talk and it would be so helpful, I am thinking, for him to read your feelings you have expressed so perfectly.
hugs
Ian and Lillie
Wonderful post - I say that because you showed him your heart. And you trusted him with your most hidden feelings.
ReplyDeleteAnd that, sweet girl, is a great gift for your husband to cherish.
It seems that he does. :)
Elisa Xo
For some reason I always have trouble getting on to your site, but I'm so glad I was able to get here today and read this post. It says exactly what I sometimes have difficulty getting across to my husband. I can't wait for him to get home and read this to him.
ReplyDeleteGlad you made it over to read. I am glad it will help you express yourself. Feel free to copy and paste. Happy weekend.
ReplyDelete