Thursday, April 11, 2013

Sharp Right

Spring is in the air, and life is blooming once again. Not only outside my windows but inside the house too and within me. The last several weeks the Cookie house has been quietly going along with DD and TTWD but just by baby steps. I have been under the weather and not up to my usual perky self. Vic has been a loving HoH and has taken very good care of me and I think he may have chunks missing from his tongue from holding himself back and not reaching over and smacking the living daylights right out of me. See I thought I was being a perfect little patient until "The Talk" that we had just recently.                                   
                                                                  Road to "The Talk"

I am that sharp right
Where to begin well lets see, it all started when my Awesome HoH was so busy taking care of me and picking up the slack of not having a productive TiH wife, let me say here in my defense that an emotionally set up wife on pain pills doesn't mix well with a over spent HoH whose only fault was trying to do his best and got slammed by said pain pill ridden wife. I know what all of you are thinking well just stop I was not of sound mind. Looking back I am amazed that we are 1- still married 2- still doing ttwd and DD. I am so happy that my HoH had the present of mind to realize I was very out of control and needed nothing more than some good ole fashioned OTK DD of which comes much later.
For those of you who have read my other blogs you know we have our weekly Sunday Sit Down and that it is scheduled for first thing in the morning and along with that we have our no electronics rule that goes hand in hand with SSD- no toys until the SSD no email no tv no blog no nothing no no no. Saturday late evening Vic is off to do the weekly shopping and in my pain pill induced mind I say "Hey what about tomorrow does the rule still apply" see I knew I would be sound asleep by the time he returned from shopping and I have only been sleeping for such a few hours at a time and in between I was amusing myself with said Toys. Well of course I received the deer in the head light stare- you know the one where I just know he knows what I am talking about only to find myself upset because he truly has no clue (how is it that I think he knows what I referring to when his sole focus is trying to take care of me and the house).

Ricky Ricardo Shock Hands on Head I Love Lucy Ricky Ricardo Shocked LookYep that's the look "What the heck are you talking about"

He leaves after a few words of which I can't recall and I am left home with big tears falling down my face. Tears that I caused because I expect way to much. Along comes Sunday morning and fearful to do anything I just thought:

"I don't think this is working"
"I can't do this thing we do"
"He is so upset with me I will be shocked if he even speaks to me"
"Why is this so hard"
"Is it worth it"
"Maybe I should just tell him that I don't want this, that way I brought it into our relationship I can take it out and he won't have to say he doesn't want this lifestyle"
I could go on but you get the moment

Vic comes and sits next to me and he says "I think this is tearing us further apart then bringing us closer together"

Silence is a very scary place
Thinking this thing we do is over even scary
Admitting I am wrong even in a very tiny voice in broken sobbing speech brings me into his arms safely tucked in and talking it over is like a slice of warm apple pie ala mode.

Communication is key but sometimes we need to realize it is the day to day conversations that make the difference. No matter how much I wish it, Vic will never be able to read my mind and I need to be more direct in my conversations a few clearly asked questions could of avoid this whole breakdown. Now just to remember that-

Oh and that OTK DD well that will be Part 2 of the "The Road" trip.


  1. Oh is all so emotional isn't it?! I know it is no consolation but we had multiple moments like this in our first year when one of us wondered if it was too hard, if it was pulling us in the wrong direction. We slowed down at times and regrouped, found some gentler ways of handling each other for a time. Communication IS the key...hang in there, both of you!

    1. Susie, the emotions run so much higher since starting ttwd, more for me than Vic. Regrouping is good. We are finding out more about each other each day.

  2. Hi Cathie,

    We had moments like this too, wondering if it was too hard or pulling us apart rather than closer and we too took stock and made some changes along the way. This stuff is all so emotional and you are right. Communication really is the key.

    Hang in there!


    1. Roz, if it wasn't for our SSD I don't think we would even be at the point we are at. I am forever grateful it was put into place by Vic from the start and no matter what we have to sit and talk until it all comes out. There has been some very long moments of silence but he knows I will crack and start spilling eventually.

  3. Hi Cathie,

    I like reading the above comments because I have also recently had some of those feelings. We were not in a bad place when we started, we just bickered a lot. Brice pointed out last night ......I am mostly remembering the good from before. When it was bad it was WAY worse! Good Luck;)

    1. Oh Betsy those feeling seem to always be in the back of my mind. We weren't in a bad place either- just looking for ways to improve and deepen our relationship. It is happening just some speed bumps along the way.

  4. Cathie,

    I feel mostly in the same boat right now, I haven't been doing very well, I want more DD and he is just not getting it. Very frustrating. And he gets so distracted with work, I just shut down after a week of hinting I would really like a spanking. Or five.
    Hang in there, it has to get better again. I know it!

    1. Julia, that boat we are on is just a slow tug boat, hang in there I never thought Vic would stear our boat but he is more and more as time passes. Don't go overboard.

    2. I just remembered I left this comment, and just wanted to let you know the captain has reentered the ship! Feelings of guilt, stress, many excuses. But much better.

  5. I suppose saying that I have been there, without the illness thing isn't so helpful. It seems like a right of passage ( that in some cases seems to repeat itself for some) that most Dd relationships go through. Upside, there is the other side to the dark tunnel.

    love willie

    1. Willie that dark tunnel has a way of pulling us back to it's side somehow. I live for the day that it looses its battle and the Dd side shines - even if it shines pinkish red from my tush.

  6. Communication is key, Cathie. There is nothing you will do that is more important. Ward and I make time every single day to connect, review our days, and plans for tomorrow, and just to see and feel and hear and appreciate each other. It doesn't mean it's always easy - it just means we try not to let things get to big....okay well he does, but I follow willingly......okay, but at least I don't puff and pout and fuss, lol


    1. What you don't puff and pout and fuss, wow impressive. I live to get to that spot of just puffing and pouting I think I am still kicking and screaming, (just kidding ok maybe a little foot shuffling and inside screaming) Thanks for stopping by June.

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