Riding out the line

Well Hello Blogland, I haven't been around for awhile- Not even sure if I have any readers but I am feeling well and I think I am finally seeing the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I have been ill for so long I think we are still practicing DD/ttwd in our own way. There have been lots of ups and downs in our roller coaster ride of DD some good moments, some not, some the jury is still out on.

I did make an amazing discovery at some point over the last several weeks- I was laying on the couch one day and Vic came flying into the living room and was overly excited about a set of instruction he had for who knows what- He was beside him self, so happy that he finally had some "Man instructions" No words just pictures, step by step pictures of how do to do whatever he was trying to do.... (don't ask me what it was as to date I still don't know what it was just that it had pictures).


Yep something like that, he was tickled to death. No words just step by step pictures. Being the awesome wife I am, stop snickering I am trying to think of ways this might help us in our Dd relationship. Of course we still struggle with our relationship. Vic says we are moving forward and there is no going back but I feel like we are not doing a bunch of anything. Well I guess he would say all is well and in some regards they are, I guess I am the one with issues- feelings of not being fulfilled, unsatisfied, longing, but hey maybe it's just the illness or????ok I am frustrated- for 2 weeks now I have "satisfied his needs no questions asked, after all isn't that part of the deal. If I thought for one moment he was doing this because of our Dd relationship I wouldn't be so whiny or at least it would be a different kind of whiny, but I just don't think that, I think he gets what he needs and during the moment he fondles me and does things that turn me on and then I just get left to nothing. It's starting to be a turn off and not a turn on, if he said something anything to make me think otherwise I would stuff a sock in it. I wonder sometimes if we both have an understanding of what it means to be a HoH, sometimes I think he thinks its all about him, and that my needs and wants are irrelevant. One day I even said being HoH doesn't give you a license to be an "ass" and maybe he should go back and read some post from other HoH and see if they are being that way. So how can I use this new information to benefit him. I am open for some thoughts and better yet maybe some pictures.
Maybe I can make him an instruction book-for example
 from my mouth
  




Well it would be a start.  Till later my blog friends- I should be around more often.

Sharp Right

Spring is in the air, and life is blooming once again. Not only outside my windows but inside the house too and within me. The last several weeks the Cookie house has been quietly going along with DD and TTWD but just by baby steps. I have been under the weather and not up to my usual perky self. Vic has been a loving HoH and has taken very good care of me and I think he may have chunks missing from his tongue from holding himself back and not reaching over and smacking the living daylights right out of me. See I thought I was being a perfect little patient until "The Talk" that we had just recently.                                   
                                                                  Road to "The Talk"

I am that sharp right

Where to begin well lets see, it all started when my Awesome HoH was so busy taking care of me and picking up the slack of not having a productive TiH wife, let me say here in my defense that an emotionally set up wife on pain pills doesn't mix well with a over spent HoH whose only fault was trying to do his best and got slammed by said pain pill ridden wife. I know what all of you are thinking well just stop I was not of sound mind. Looking back I am amazed that we are 1- still married 2- still doing ttwd and DD. I am so happy that my HoH had the present of mind to realize I was very out of control and needed nothing more than some good ole fashioned OTK DD of which comes much later.
For those of you who have read my other blogs you know we have our weekly Sunday Sit Down and that it is scheduled for first thing in the morning and along with that we have our no electronics rule that goes hand in hand with SSD- no toys until the SSD no email no tv no blog no nothing no no no. Saturday late evening Vic is off to do the weekly shopping and in my pain pill induced mind I say "Hey what about tomorrow does the rule still apply" see I knew I would be sound asleep by the time he returned from shopping and I have only been sleeping for such a few hours at a time and in between I was amusing myself with said Toys. Well of course I received the deer in the head light stare- you know the one where I just know he knows what I am talking about only to find myself upset because he truly has no clue (how is it that I think he knows what I referring to when his sole focus is trying to take care of me and the house).

Yep that's the look "What the heck are you talking about"

He leaves after a few words of which I can't recall and I am left home with big tears falling down my face. Tears that I caused because I expect way to much. Along comes Sunday morning and fearful to do anything I just thought:

"I don't think this is working"
"I can't do this thing we do"
"He is so upset with me I will be shocked if he even speaks to me"
"Why is this so hard"
"Is it worth it"
"Maybe I should just tell him that I don't want this, that way I brought it into our relationship I can take it out and he won't have to say he doesn't want this lifestyle"
I could go on but you get the moment

Vic comes and sits next to me and he says "I think this is tearing us further apart then bringing us closer together"

Silence is a very scary place
Thinking this thing we do is over even scary
Admitting I am wrong even in a very tiny voice in broken sobbing speech brings me into his arms safely tucked in and talking it over is like a slice of warm apple pie ala mode.


Communication is key but sometimes we need to realize it is the day to day conversations that make the difference. No matter how much I wish it, Vic will never be able to read my mind and I need to be more direct in my conversations a few clearly asked questions could of avoid this whole breakdown. Now just to remember that-

Oh and that OTK DD well that will be Part 2 of the "The Road" trip.

Questions you say

I don't claim to be good at answers but ask any way

The last few days I have been reading about March being Q and A month. As you can see I don't promise to always give good answers but if you ask me one or two I will try my best to answer you. I am pretty sure at this stage I have more questions than answers but I am willing. 

My question for all of you that are brave enough to stop by my blog is:

Who do you think celebrity/royal/actor/actress etc. wise might be spanked in their life?

So many to choose from so little time

Holding Pattern

I want my HoH to lead and I find myself often interfering with it. I tell him the punishment was to much, I don't like the implement he used, he doesn't follow up, he doesn't give me answers, and on and on I could go.

I use to think that I was a pretty patient person, I am starting to re-think that. I haven't done alot of posting lately but have done plenty of reading and am picking a few things from here and there and quietly attempting to do them.


When I am feeling out of sorts I plant thoughts in his head of what I think he should do or what he shouldn't do. Another blogger said in a post that her HoH caught onto this and quickly and smartly said ENOUGH you will not lead.

I have to let him step up and I need to stop planting the seed, he like I want this DD life to work, we like where it is leading.

Normally I send a link to Vic with my post but not this one he needs to get where he is going without me driving the car. I need to keep myself in check and not get pouty, sassy, directing, coaching, and all the things I normally do.

I am putting myself in a holding pattern and letting him lead. I hope and pray that I can find the patience to let him do what he needs to do.






































I decided to put myself in a holding pattern and see what happens

Did you know?

I am leaning the wrong way

I think this post is more for me (I need an outlet) then those reading it and maybe Vic will read it to and understand why I am on the fence post

Did you know the sound of your voice makes me feel all warm inside?

The sight of you brings a relief to my heart?

Or being enclosed in your arms tells me all is well in our world?
 What about when you hand is spread across my tush- that I feel that I am yours.

Did you know that when your hand is placed on the small of my back or wrapped around the back of my neck that desires runs through me knowing you will lead me where you want me?

When you lecture me, I know you care enough to show it?

Or when you place me over your lap or bend me over and bring redness to my tush you set off an emotional release for me and I feel loved and cherished?

That when you agreed to this my insides felt relief that I no longer had to take care of everything and worry if I was doing it all right?

Did you know I want to be your first priority, my safety, my well being, my health, and that I desperately need you to be?

Sometimes what I do and what I am suppose to do are worlds apart and that is when I need you to take over and lead me where I need to be.?

Did you know that when you don't hold me accountable for the goals we set for me, I hear that I am not important enough for you to focus on me?

Or that things that bother or annoy you are more important than my vows I made to you?

That to the outside world I am strong, determined, focused, a mother lion protecting her cubs, but inside I am insecure, scared, that I want nothing more then to be your good girl and I need you to chase away the monsters that live under the bed?

Did you know my biggest fear is losing you?

That my favorite place in eternity is safely wrapped in your loving arms?

Did you know my love for you is my driving force? That I crave your love, attention, kisses, hugs, smacks, lectures, leadership, discipline and approval like nothing else?

 

Did you know?

Can I to May I

Since starting TTWD and Dd I have learned so many things, about myself, about my husband and about us. Often times we take advantage of what we have right there in front of us and forgot to be grateful for what we have. I have asked my husband to change the dynamic of our relationship, ask him to change a life time of learning- without question he has. Has it always been easy for him-NO, have I always been easy to lead-NO, have we learned and grown closer together

YES

For days I have pondered on ways, behaviors, actions, or anything I could do to encourage our relationship, to show more respect, and although it might sound simple it is truly harder than I imagined. I plan to change

 

Can I

to

 

May I

 

I have tried it a few times over the past few days, it sounds so simple but I find myself having to stop and think before I ask. CAN I is so ingrained in my brain and when you stop and think about it so rude, I can still hear someone from my childhood saying "I don't know can you" and then after I would say May I they would then answer me accordingly so when did that stop when did can takeover for May.

 

I know this is a small gesture and it may or may not work. For now I will try my little submissive task and see how it works.

 

Thanks for stopping by.

Sleeper in the house

A few of my post had spoken about the lack of effective spankings in the Cookie household and how compared to some of you mine were (note were) rather light and nothing to boast about. They took place for one or another of my misdeeds and we went about our lives.

Add another feather to my cap and pour me a drink

Then there was my Naughty or Nice post, something about now what should I be, should I tell him or should I not referring to stepping it up a notch in the spanking category and enticing him with the view of few implements~ Now ladies why did you not stop me from myself? What part of me thought it would be ok to show him these things. Well all of this lead to some frequent smacks here and there until oh yes I went and said something I shouldn't of.

"Are you sure"

How did that come out of my mouth- who said that- oh man I am so not getting a pass on that- 3 little words that Vic hates to hear from me. He has told me a few times, even showed me a text I sent him asking him that and given me my fair share of warnings. Which brings us to would you like your punishment before or after dinner? O O O ooo and then he introduced me to his little friend

 

YES you are seeing correctly!!! Eeeegads has my man lost his mind, that is a metal serving spoon. Seriously who has a metal serving spoon in this day and age, well you guessed it my dumb intelligent butt does. It seems that all my other misdeeds were from goals I had set for myself, issues I had ask for his help with. When I didn't meet those goals he felt since I asked for his help he would hold me accountable to them, but went lightly. Now I had done something he has asked me repeatedly not to say, so he felt just in my spanking, how was I suppose to know I was living with a "sleeper spanko"



I truly think he was a sleeper spanko- all this time I was worried that he wasn't in to spanking me and maybe this was to weird for him Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee he was just waiting for the right moment to awake. I am thanking the heavens above, the spanking gods, and my HoH that I didn't get to many swats from his little friend, that damn evil gadget beautiful spoon hurts. Oh I will for sure remember next time to engage brain before mouth acts at least I plan to. I have been saying that for so many years it is like DNA to me and as I am being whacked and lecture for saying it he throws in and I don't want to hear "I forgot" any more from you either. Oh dear spanking gods help me lose that spoon of his, please........................................................